Counselor’s Corner
 

Friendships and Rejection

Most parents know that rejection is an inevitable part of growing up – but that doesn’t make it any less painful when we see our own children experiencing it.  Nevertheless, it is important for parents to help their children learn how to deal with these social setbacks – whether they’re cut from a sports team or left out of a clique.

First, make sure that you are not reacting from your own memories of hurt feelings.  Children can be very intuitive.  They could end up feeling even worse about the whole thing if you are upset.  In order to be helpful, you need to keep your cool.  Be sure you are being supportive, rather than venting your own disappointment.

Remember not to judge the situation too fast.  Often children can be capricious in changing friendships.  It is part of growing up and learning what it means to be a friend.  As children grow they learn to become more selective.  Sometimes the shift may not even really bother your child.

Help your child by focusing on developing his or her own coping skills.  Acknowledge and validate your child’s feelings followed by empowering them by asking them what they will do to feel better.  You may be surprised to find out they have more inner resources than you think.

Finally, remind kids that there have been times when the tables have been turned, and they’ve been the rejecter, so that they can begin to understand the importance of empathy in making – and keeping – friendships.

With acknowledgement to Rachel Simons, author of “Odd Girl Speaks Out”